Rooting the Cain Out Of Myself

On the Antidote to Woke

Years ago, when I was first stumbling slowly out of my old ideology, Social Justice (or “Woke”) ideology, I heard a lecture of

Jordan Peterson

‘s called “Tragedy vs Evil” in which he talked about the Biblical story of Cain and Abel as an allegory for two ways of BEING in the world. Abel’s way of being was marked by making sacrifices pleasing to God, humility, and gratitude, while Cain’s way of being was marked by making insufficient sacrifices, hubris, and resentment. Cain’s way of BEING eventually lead him to murderous rage. He rose up against his brother and killed him, drunk on pride, ego, jealously and arrogant entitlement.

I started thinking about the Cain and Abel story after that, in almost every choice I made. If not in the moment, then afterwards. I bought a whiteboard and drew a line down the middle and on each side wrote out the character attributes and behavior choices of Cain and Abel, as they came to me over the next year or so. I started living my life with the intention of rooting out the Cain in me, wherever he might crop up. I also thought a lot about the Alexander Solzhenitsyn quote, “The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” I saw the line on my whiteboard as the line between those two competing natures in myself. The Flesh versus the Spirit. The Ego versus the Soul.

The path of Abel, I believe, is the Way, the Truth and the Life that Jesus is talking about. The best way of BEING in the world, as illustrated in the life and teachings of our divine creator becoming flesh.

Sometimes I make new friends or hear from old ones who ask me about why I talk about what I talk about today, about why I do my Deprogrammed podcast and write about the subjects I write about.

I think there is much wisdom in that saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world." The most important way people can change culture, change the world, is by changing themselves. It’s not by writing or tweeting or podcasting or running for office (though those can help and might be natural fruits of a change in yourself). But the most basic thing necessary is a change in how one chooses to BE in the world. Becoming what they want to see in the world. For me this meant leaving behind my cult-like Social Justice (or woke) ideology, leaving behind my alcoholism, leaving behind toxic behaviors and relationships, and in my case finding God - finding a better way to be in the world in terms of how to behave (don't lie, don't cheat, don't be prideful, don't be weak, don't be slothful, don't be gluttonous, etc).

I think a healthy family is the most crucial building block to a healthy society because the family is where child-rearing happens. It may be the single most important thing a human being with a heart to do good can do in the world: raise spiritually and psychologically and emotionally healthy children. I would like to become a parent myself.

In terms of interacting with the world - I do speak loudly though, about what I believe to be bad ideology or bad ways of living in the world. My podcast, Deprogrammed, focuses on my old ideology and trying to make sense of it, because I think there is an urgency to identify it as illiberal, and not designed for human freedom or flourishing. Also, because I spent twenty years pushing it, I feel I have a lot to make up for in undoing that. I also increasingly censored myself for those two decades, so now I say what I think, because I know many others are still afraid to do so.

Some people think incorrect things about me, and that is sad, but I have learned to live with it. If people don't understand me or where I am coming from I can try to be more clear. But some people don't want to understand you. They want to think the worst thing. And you can't control that, so let them.

It's like the CS Lewis quote: “Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out. Is one's first feeling, 'Thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies are as bad as possible? If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils. You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker. If we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black. Finally we shall insist on seeing everything -- God and our friends and ourselves included -- as bad, and not be able to stop doing it: we shall be fixed for ever in a universe of pure hatred.”

People call me all kinds of things now: racist, internal mysogynist, TERF, leftie, transphobe, trans-enabler, feminist, pharisee, evil, activist, libtard, right-winger, anti-vaxxer and on and on. It does not matter. For the record, I don’t usually call myself anything anymore except a lady with a podcast. A Christian. I am no longer a member of any political party; I haven’t been since I left the Woke Cult in 2016-2017. I don’t consider myself an activist; I detest the word, actually. I don’t attach myself to anything except God and my husband and reality, and I don’t worry about the boxes I get put in by others after that. It’s okay. My aim in life, as I see it, is to live in a way that shows others I meet what I believe is the best way of BEING, so that words aren’t even necessary for them to know me.

I think the antidote to my old ideology - to Social Justice or Woke - is Christ. And so I say so. But I count as friends many people who think the solution is something else. As long as we are pursuing truth, I think we are after the same thing.

When it comes down to the most important thing a person can do to fight against evil in the world though, I think that is a personal thing - changing the self. I think it is, person by person, choosing to root the Cain out of ourselves every day, in every choice we make.